Top 10 collections

Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear From a Surgeon…

1. "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."
2. "Someone call the janitor -- we're going to need a mop."
3. "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"
4. "Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ... thingie."
5. "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"
6. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em."
7. "What's this doing here?"
8. "I hate it when they're missing stuff in here."
9. "Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all."
10. "Anyone see where I left that scalpel? Never mind. I think this is sharp enough."

 

Top 10 Actual Newspaper Headlines…

1. March Planned For Next August
2. Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through
3. Diaper Market Bottoms Out
4. Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
5. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
6. Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
7. Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence
8. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
9. Collegians are Turning to Vegetables
10. Hershey Bars Protest

 

Top 10 Lessons I Learned From Noah's Ark…

1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old someone may ask you to do something really big.
5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake travel in pairs.
8. Speed isn't everything. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9. When you're stressed, float awhile.
10. Remember the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.

 

Top 10 Actual Label Instructions on Consumer Goods…

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
4. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down."
5. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
6. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
7. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
8. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
9. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."
10. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

 

Top 10 Things a Mom Doesn't Want to Hear...

1. "I swallowed a goldfish."
2. "Your lipstick works better than crayons."
3. "Does grape juice leave a stain?"
4. "The principal called..."
5. "But DAD says that word all the time."
6. "What's it cost to fix a window?"
7. "Has anyone seen my earthworms?"
8. "I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy?"
9. "The dog doesn't like dressing up in your clothes."
10. "I need some space."

 

Top 10 Rules of Procrastination...

1. I believe that if anything were worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the bodily injury I expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
10. I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

 

Top 10 Murphy's Laws...

1. The authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
2. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
3. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
4. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
5. The more garbage you put up with, the more garbage you are going to get.
6. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
7. Following the rules will not get the job done.
8. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
9. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it by saying, "How would Batman handle this?"
10. The last person that quit or was fired will be blamed for everything that goes wrong for at least a year.

 

Top 10 Ways You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee...

1. You can type sixty words a minute...with your feet.
2. Instant coffee takes too long.
3. You chew on other people's fingernails.
4. You answer the door...before people knock.
5. You sleep with your eyes open.
6. You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
7. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
8. You're the employee of the month at Starbucks and you don't even work there.
9. You lick your coffeepot clean.
10. You have a picture of your coffee mug, on your coffee mug!

Top 10 Signs That You're Getting Older...

1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

2. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
3. Your children begin to look middle aged.
4. You look forward to a dull evening.
5. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."
6. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
7. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.
8. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
9. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
10. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

Kapuso Diet

Ricky Lo reported in Philippine STAR on Wednesday that Diether "has jumped ober da bakod" from ABS-CBN to GMA-7. According to his report, the actor already signed a "maximum of four-year contract" with the Kapuso network last November 17.
"Let Diether make his own announcements soon."
This was what Ms. Wilma Galvante, GMA-7 SVP for Entertainment TV, told PEP (Philippine Entertainment Portal) in a text message Wednesday, when we asked her if Diether Ocampo is really transferring to the Kapuso network.

Song Titles Not In The Lyrics

For this 3^rd and last  part, Song titles not in the lyrics,  I will not attach the name of the artist to the song. This is of no particular order. Here you can find a grunge era contributions by Nirvana , Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, a hit by Evanescence, , a popular Folk rock hit by Cat Stevens, something from R.E.M., “Charmed” soundtrack originally from The Smiths, and a bite of American Pie by Weird Al Yankovic.

Familiar with the titles? Go ahead, sing!

#1. ______________________________________________

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Coz your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I tried so hard to tell myself that your gone,
But though you're still with me,I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me, me

#2 ____________________________________

Load up on guns and bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low? (x3)
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yay! (x3)

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low? (x3)
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay! (x3)

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind

Hello, hello, hello, how low? (x3)
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, An albino, A mosquito, My libido,  A denial !! (x9)

#3  ________________________________

I seem to recognize your face.
Haunting familiar, yet I can't seem to place it.
Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name.
Lifetimes are catching up with me.
All these changes taking place.
I wish I'd seen the place but no one's ever taken me.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away. (x2)

I swear I recognize your breath.
Memories, like fingerprints, are slowly raising.
Me you wouldn't recall for I'm not my former.
It's hard when your stuck upon the shelf.
I changed by not changing at all.
Small town predicts my fate.
Perhaps that's what no one wants to see.
I just want to scream, 'Hello.'
My god its been so long. Never dreamed you'd return.
But now here you are and here I am.
Hearts and thoughts they fade away.

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away. (x2)
Hearts and thoughts they fade away. Yeah.
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away. (x3)
Hearts and thoughts they fade...

# 4 _____________________________________

This flower is scorched
This film is on, On a maddening loop.
These clothes,  don't fit us right
I'm to blame, It's all the same.
 You come to me with a bone in your hand
You come to me with your hair curled tight
You come to me with positions
You come to me with excuses
Ducked out in a row
You wear me out, You wear me out

We've been through fake-a-breakdown
Self hurt, Plastics, collections
Self help, self pain,
EST, psychics, all sucked.
I was central, I had control, I lost my head
I need this, I need this.
A paper weight, junk garage
Winter rain, a honey pot
Crazy, all the lovers have been tagged.
A hotline, a wanted ad
It's crazy what you could've had,
It's crazy what you could've had
 I need this, I need this.

#5 ________________________________

I am the son and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth, how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

There's a club, if you like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen now
well, when exactly do you mean
see I've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone

#6 __________________________

It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.
I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It's always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

It's not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
if you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

#7 _______________________________

And I feel that time's a wasted go So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come So would you even care?
And I feel it, And I feel it

Where ya going for tomorrow Where ya going with the mask I found
And I feel, And I feel When the dogs begin to smell her - will she smell alone?

And I feel so much depends on the weather So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see that these are the eyes of disarray Would you even care?
And I feel it, And she feels it

Where ya going for tomorrow Where ya going with the mask I found
And I feel, And I feel When the dogs begin to smell her - will she smell alone?

When the dogs do find her Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
She'll find it She'll find it To find it.

May the Force be with you……..#8 ________________________________________

A long, long time ago,
In a galaxy far away,
Naboo was under an attack.

And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn,
Could talk the Federation in
to maybe cutting back.

But their response, it didn't thrill us,
They locked the doors and tried to kill us.
But we escaped from that gas,
And met Jar Jar and Boss Nass.

We took a Bongo from the scene,
And we went to Theed to see the Queen.
We all wound up on Tatoonine,
That's where we found this boy.

Oh my, my
This here Anikin guy.
May be Vader,
Some day later,
Now he's just a small fry.
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Saying 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi,
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi!'

Did you know this junkyard slave
isn't even old enough to shave,
but he can use the force, they say.
Oh, did you see him hittin on the Queen?
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen.
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her, some day.

Well, I know he built C-3PO,
And I heard how fast his pod can go.
And we were broke, it's true,
So we made a wager or two.

Well, he was a pre-pubescent flyin' ace.
And the minute Java started off that race,
I knew who'd win first place,
Oh yeah, it was our boy!

We started singing:
Oh my, my
This here Anikin guy.
May be Vader,
Some day later,
Now he's just a small fry.
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Saying 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi,
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi!'

Well, we finally got to Coruscant,
The Jedi council, we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be.
So we took him there and told a tale,
How his midi-chlorines were off the scale,
and he might fullfill that prophecy.

Oh, the council was impressed, of course,
Could he bring balance to the force?
They interviewed the kid,
Oh, training they forbid!

Because, Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said, now listen here!
Just stick in your pointy ear,
I still, will train the boy!

He was singing:
Oh my, my
This here Anikin guy.
May be Vader,
Some day later,
Now he's just a small fry.
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Saying 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi,
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi!'

We caught a ride back to Naboo,
Coz Queen Amidala wanted too,
I frankly would've liked to stay.
We all faught in that epic war,
And it wasn't long at all before,
Little hot-shot flew his plane and saved the day.

And in the end some Gungans died.
Some ships blew up
And some pilots fried.
A lot of folks were croakin',
The battle droids were broken!

And the Jedi I admire most,
Met up with Darth Maul, and now he's toast
I'm still here, and he's a ghost
I guess, I'll train the boy.

And I was singing:
Oh my, my
This here Anikin guy.
May be Vader,
Some day later,
Now he's just a small fry.
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Saying
'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi,
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi!'

We were singing:
Oh my, my
This here Anikin guy.
May be Vader,
Some day later,
Now he's just a small fry.
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Saying
'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi,
Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi!'